Stopping Surreal

You've gotta love Dali. His paintings look like dreams. We see some of these images in our dreams, in our mind's eye.

The Salvador Dali painting that speaks to me the most must be Persistencia/Persistence of Memory (1931) here. Also his most famous painting. Aren't the melting clocks just so cool?

If there was anything symbolic of Surreal, this Dali painting would be IT.

The general interpretation of the work is that the soft watches debunk the assumption that time is rigid or deterministic. Time is linear (for now, until we invent time travel ;) but it's never rigid. Because we have memories and memories last forever sometimes, and when people hang on to memories when life has moved on around them, real time just doesn't matter.

Like Ms Havisham in Charles Dickens' magnum opus, Great Expectations - one of the best books to be written in the English language (and maybe in the entire universe :) She's refuses to move on from the day she was left at the altar. This woman actually stopped the clocks in her house -- to ensure she will never forget that she was dumped on her wedding day. A gazillion years later, she's still in her decayed wedding gown (stinky!) in her decayed old house, with the decayed wedding cake in a room somewhere. She is the symbol of the Persistence of Memory, I reckon.

Well, the past few months have been pretty surreal for me. My life as the melting clock. Maybe.

I used to question all the time, why do things happen to people? Why do good things happen to this person? And why do hard things always happen to this other person? How come one's person's fate is like Paris Hilton's and the other is like a street kid in harsh, desperate, poverty-stricken favelas of Brazil? I started questioning a long time ago. In the 80s, always wondered why the Ethiopians were so unfortunate to suffer drought and famine and swollen bellies. While we had so much in Singapore. Why the unfairness?

Well, I was definitely good for studying Philosophy ;)

It was also depressing. I came close to losing faith. So I stopped questioning. Thank God.

We aren't meant to get some answers. Have you ever met any happy philosophers?

(Nearly all of them don't believe in the existence of a higher being, and when they spoke about the concept of a higher being, you could hear the sarcastic tone in their voice: if there really was a Big Kahuna, how come there's so much suffering on earth? So the Big Kahuna must be a malevolent one? If so, what was the use of a Big Kahuna? It was all very self-indulgent and self-defeating at the end of the day. We took 8 weeks to discuss The Meaning of Life at lectures, and in the last lecture, Dr Brown proudly declares: "There is NO meaning in life." GET OUT OF HERE! You wasted 8 hours of my life to tell me that? Where's the barf bag?! That and taking Logic -- which was so like Maths it's not funny, and I failed Logic naturally ;) and Dog's paper on the meaning of life which she got an A in, which no one understood .... did in any passion I had in the subject. So between the devil and the deep blue sea, I chose to continue with Literature, where the fantastic tutors decided it was in everyone's interest for us to read 40 books in 9 months in Appreciation of literature. Just because you work in an educational institution doesn't mean you're smart. It just means you're MAD ;) Stupidity knows no boundaries ;P)

Alma has the Answers
And when I met Alma, this lovely bubbly Filipino journalist in Phuket during my work trip, she said some things which I always held dear in my heart, but it was great to have someone remind me of the important things in life.

It was 14 July, the last day of the event and I was walking with her at the sprawling Sheraton Grande Laguna, to the sprawling two-storey apartment the organisers had put the media up. It was a few days after the bombings started. Worried, naturally.

Told her that I have a dear friend in Lebanon. She sounded almost Muslim in her response -- accept life is unfolding as it should and have faith: God has a plan for all of us. There is always a reason why things happen. But His ways are unfathomable, ours is not to ask why these things happen. Accept. Pray and have faith. She put it a lot more eloquently than this, I have distilled its kernel. (Well, this from the lady who used to cover the fighting in the restive Mindanao islands in the Philippines. So she was in the thick of things, bombs flying, even was taken blindfolded to meet rebels. What a life!)

That's so Desiderata. This one echoing line: And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

You can't fight the universe that's unfolding as it should.

These past few weeks, I've swung like a pendulum - or a monkey ;) - from being absolutely calm and accepting of everything under the sun to being terrified, worried about not knowing. Involuntary. Feelees said, you're OK one day and not OK the next. Well, I want to be OK everyday :)

(Maybe it's not in the skin of a Gemini to be unflappable, to be grace under fire. We're the ones who go out with guns a-blazin' ;)

So this morning, I decided. I need to bring control back into my life. This is my mantra: I can't change the direction of the wind but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.

I can't control the war, I can't control the distance, I can't control the lack of knowledge. If the country falls into a civil war after this war is over, it'll be harder. What I can control is ME.

I am in my sphere of control. I want to get out of this surreal dream. (I have never come across anyone who has gone to another country, met someone, then the country blows up in war. Maybe I need to carry a rabbit's foot or a Turkish evil eye for good luck eh? ;)

That means no more trying to call, no more SMSes, no more emails. No more reading article after article or watching everything and anything about the war. Easier said than done. But MUST be done.

It's not about what the Fates have planned for me. It's about effort in moving on, in all senses of the word. And having total faith that the universe is unfolding as it should.

Moving on. I want to think about my next travels, something I have neglected for 3 months. Peru and the Galapagos and Patagonia look great. Plus I have that list of places to achieve and journeys to make within a certain timeline -- these all require self actualisation. I achieved most of my markers. Now to achieve my travel list. Make Abraham Maslow proud ;)

I'm walking away, says Craig David.

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run
but now I truly realise some people don't wanna compromise
well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby don't listen to the games they play
girl I thought you'd realise I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live a lie, too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away