Collection of Random Thoughts

James Joyce's Ulysees from the early 20th century is a literary breakthrough. Joyce pioneered a "new" way of writing the novel - streams of consciousness. A collection of (seemingly) random thoughts which appear unconsciously in the pages of the novel. Kinda like writing a journal. No method in the madness - unlike Sylvia Plath. (BTW, I HATE Ted Hughes for causing her death and destroying their letters before he died. Evil man). Ulysees was cool because it broke with convention, it was so novel and unique that he won the Nobel Literature prize, if my memory serves me write. Ulysees was pretty entertaining, although very self indulgent. A magnum opus, a tome, encyclopaedia. Guess Joyce didn't subscribe to Shakespeare's "Brevity is the soul of wit" ;)

Well, this edition is my Ulysees. You've been forewarned. Haven't blogged for a while and miss it -- so sacrificing my sleep for this :)

Pretty significant happenings over the last few weeks. Over the weekend, hung out at an International Islamic Conference on Spirituality. The focus of the conference was on putting God at the centre of one's existence and having "God-consciousness" always, as a guide for living the virtuous life. Was so compelling that I stayed on for two whole days - and hung out with the cousins, which was fun! - and went for another lecture on Monday evening.

Met some people who've clearly reached Nirvana. There was this young British guy of Pakistani descent, a political scientist, who spoke on "Finding Meaning in a Fractured World." He said: when trouble befalls on you, say, believe, "Alhamdullilah" (Thanks to Allah). The cousin and I turned to each other in awe/ disbelief. Nirvana, we both said simultaneously to each other. (This was extremely hard to achieve - we curse and swear at small things that don't go right. The efficiency of Singapore has made highly impatient -- or we are just highly fallible creatures hehe) Anyways, I aspire to reach that level of Nirvana and thank the Prime Mover for every single thing that happens to me, cos good or bad, they come from Him. (Am so far from that state ;)

There was another lecturer, a lady, who told us about her affliction - the Giullian-Barre Syndrome - where parts of her body just became paralysed without any reason. The months that she was struck with this illness made her realise she how fortunate she was to be simply alive. (Everything's in the mind). To the point where she thought to herself, I love Your Will, whatever it maybe. And when she thought that, she found that her fingers started to move. That was the start of her road to recovery.

There was a hushed tone and sniffles when she was telling her story. We were all so moved.

We Muslims believe a lot in Fate, especially in life, marriage and death, and that everything happens for a reason. We may not know or understand the reasons, but there are always good reason when it comes from the Big Kahuna. But to embrace God's Will like the two speakers have done demonstrates an astounding level of faith and trust. These people totally subscribe to what Ibn Abbas says: "no matter how bad things are, it could be worse."

Imagine - to go beyond patience and acceptance, to love the Will of the Prime Mover. How much control one must let go to achieve that consciousness? WOW.

I am so way behind that curve, but it's definitely a standard to aspire to :)

Here I was constantly whinging about this and that and questioning why things happen to me -- how far away I am from Nirvana. Just several days after the conference, there I was letting out steam on my singular, strange predicament haha

(Complaining is fine, and women cope much better with stress and troubles, because they can talk it out, bitch, screame and shout -- or shop ;) Unlike men, who bottle everything up, and that explode in violence. Or worse, go to war. Testosterone is so destructive.)

Sad
Anyways, my favourite blogger, www.readingwhilefalling.blogspot.com, has decided to leave Beirut to go back to the States to do his Masters in Ethics. He wrote his last entry in the last week of August. I really hope to meet this person some day - kindred spirits in politics. Good thing he's gonna start his own website, www.readingwhilefalling.com -- I will be a true fan :) Things never really end, there are just new beginnings elsewhere and in other permutations.

Little Ironies
Little Ironies is a lovely collection of Singapore short stories by Catherine Lim, which I studied in secondary school. Quite a nice read. Anyways, the friend I was venting my frustrations to, was strong in wanting me to stop sliding this slippery slope of M. Where was this all heading, she asked? I laughed. This is also the same woman who has been in a string, succession of clearly wrong relationships for years on end, and here she was advising against mine - how ironic ;) How funny it is that when you're the external observer, you see life so clearly. I was tickled.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone, sings Jimmy Cliff. Just LOVE that song, and LOVE that movie Cool Runnings. Jamaica winning the ice bobsled race in the Winter Olympics - unheard of eh? but that happened :D Wonderfully funny and inspiring story, and what a wonderfully apt song.

Seeing clearly
Two or three weeks ago, I met an old, old friend for dinner. She was getting married and was gonna update me on her Man. Over char kway teow at Sakura, my friend, Farazabad, got quite emotional. Her husband-to-be wasn't ready to convert to Islam, and she, despite being a staunch Muslim, decided to get married to him in a civil ceremony. In the Quran, it does say, there is no compulsion in religion. But it was a tough call.

She's made peace with God, but clearly it was a decision which left her traumatised. Parts of her family would probably disown her, but thankfully not her mum and dad. Many would probably wonder, if she was that staunch, why not wait until the boyfriend decided to convert? At which point is a decision optimal? How long does one wait? How long does one philosophise and ponder over all the options/ alternatives before deciding? (Reminds me of Socrates. Socrates kept questioning and questioning and questioning everything under the sun, and didn't offer any answers. It was inevitable this incredibly annoying man would get into serious trouble with those around him. They poisoned him with hemlock. This Socrates story amuses me to no end. Lessons: Don't act too smart ie ya ya papaya. Don't philosophise till the cows come home -- unless you've got a suicide wish ;)

Anyways, I am happy for her. She was one person I never thought would get married or end up with anyone. (I have a chance haha). She said that everytime she prayed, she asked for a good Muslim man. But look who she ended up with? (I told her that I'd never liked a muslim guy in my entire life, and the first muslim guy I like is a gazillion miles away and living in a precarious edge of a precipice bad neighbourhood, where war is a norm. Blah.) Life works out strange.

We Singaporeans organise our lives around food. And so it was with Farazabad's news. So over delicious beef kway teow, were these two teary women discussing fate, religion, family, love and how quaintly life works.

Waiting
That brings me another story that lady in Nirvana at the conference told us. She met this Scottish woman on a plane from Cairo and they struck a conversation. And this old Scottish lady spoke about her life story. She was a Christian married to an Egyptian man. She never converted but raised their kids as Muslims. When her kids grew up, they asked her if she'd like to convert. So she told them she would pray on it. So for 14 years she prayed every night for a sign. After 14 years, she had a dream that the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) appeared before her. She continued to pray for another 7 years, and then another dream and the Prophet appeared again beckoning her. The next morning she told her kids that she would convert. Due to her old age, they suggested that she did the haj pilgrimage as well. And she did so. The Scottish lady went to the Prophet's mosque in Madinah and there, she saw the image of the Prophet, what she had seen in her two dreams. WOW.

21 years of waiting.

Limbo rocks - Not! Waiting for Godot?
Anyways, enough of being in this limbo. I cannot live like this, waiting, waiting. I do not want to. My angry friend is probably right. I do not want to wait around and find out that I have been Waiting for Godot. But what's life without risk right? I take little risks and I'm terribly impatient. How long will I keep on pondering and thinking? I do not want to do a Socrates on myself ;)

Faith: a nice SMS from C. Monk, whom I am constantly beating up because the boy just makes wild general statements all the time. "Hang tight. He knows best, what is best for us even when we think we do. Let Him guide us. We can only move forward in faith. He will give you strength."

Anyways, in Blink, Professor Malcolm Gladwell concludes through many studies and experiments that the best decisions are not the ones who are pondered over and over, where all the alternatives are considered. In an interesting experiment, more people bought bottles of jams from a vendor who sold 4 types of jam, as opposed to a vendor who sold 20 types of jams. More choice apparently makes us less decisive -- and more schizophrenic, perhaps? ;) Anyways, Blink was an awesome, interesting read. (Can't wait to read The Tipping Point, his first book, which was recommended by one of my nice HP clients).

Waiting for Godot is this play by Samuel Beckett, about two tramps who wait day in and day out, day after day, for Godot to appear. But Godot doesn't appear. But the sad thing about this tragicomedy (tragedy more like) is that the two main characters can't help but wait and Godot can't help but turn up. They speak about moving from this tree where they wait for Godot but they never do. A play about despair and desolation. Godot symbolises "Nothingness." Beckett was a true 20th century writer and a bit depressed and felt that Life was meaningless, I reckon. Well, Godot was about meaninglessness.

If there was any piece of art which portrayed Waiting for Godot, it would probably be Edvard Munch's "Scream" (recently recovered - it had been stolen for years). This is one of my favourite paintings, by the way. Isn't it about the human condition? So many of us scream and no one hears the sream, and we live with the despair and desolation in our heads and the environment around us takes on the shape and sound of the despair and desolation.

There are many many things that I am blessed with, like newfound friends. An acquaintance, Pusang Itim (Black Cat in Tagalog), from the Philippines has recently started pinging me and we have these fun chats. She's really delightful, nothing gets her down ever, always bright and happy and chirpy. Truly infectious. We have great conversations about technology, travels, families, cats, philosophy. Her parents have been married for 51 years -- and they have yet to agree on anything but what time they should go to church everyday. But they so love each other. How sweet.

Pusang's wisdom: "Love is a decision you make and renew every day. If we just go by knee-jerk emotional reactions, then that would make loving hard to do. If we let a bit of brain into the picture, it would work more smoothly. Love takes work and perseverance and patience and it does not always wear a pretty face. But it is wonderful and it is worth working for all of one's life."

Doesn't she have a way with words? I may not agree with everything she says, but she may have a point.

Pusang's take on Faith: And teaching you the meaning of faith, which is believing in something or someone that you don't see, touch or feel at the time you affirm your belief. You will grow stronger. Think of this as growing pains.

Going for Westlife's concert on Friday evening. Tea with Gen the Ben back from HK land at Marmalade Pantry on Saturday and a movie & makan with C. Monk after. Must catch two photo exhibitions and the Singapore Biennale that's on right now, and the Deutcshe Bank art show at the Singapore Art Museum - I love Zaha Hadid's architectural designs, so off the wall! (Literally :) Sunday - hangin with angry friend and watching Monster House ;) And find time for chores and rest. Weekends are just too short. Time to sleep!

Jimmy Cliff - I Can See Clearly Now

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshinin' day
It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshinin' day

Oh yes, I can make it now the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshinin' day

Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, there's nothing but blue skies

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here's the rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshinin' day
It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshinin' day
Real, real, real, real bright, bright sunshinin' day
Yeah, hey, it's gonna be a bright, bright sunshinin' day