Unreal

40 days. That was how long the Prophet Moses wandered around the desert, lost, with his band of Israelites, according to the stories of the bible.

Well, I had my fair share of 40 days of wondering. (Me & Moses in the same boat ;)

After 40 days of waiting, I truly didn't expect to get any more SMSes or hear from M. I expected that he'd be lost forever. (Hope is a dangerous thing. From the Shawshank Redemption starring Morgan Freeman and Tim Robbins, one of the most brilliant movies to come out of not-so-brilliant but very passably entertaining Hollywood. And I wasn't hoping anymore, I was just praying. )

Mercy Relief
It was in the morning, 6plus. I use the mobile as a clock, so glanced at it for the time. There was a message, but strangely no beep.

Message from M. Thank God. He's alive. (Not being dramatic or anything, but he was in a country that was being bombarded to smithereens, so wrong place, wrong time, and kaput. Anyways, life and death aren't situations/circumstances where we humans have much say in. And when all one can do is wait, one's imagination tends to wander and paranoia ensues. Well, it could be one in a million and one possibilities).

Relief. Relief. Relief. More than anything else. Not even happiness. Just pure relief.

He said, i am OK, they destroyed lebanon. Forgive me for not sending SMS - no network. "But i still love you and i miss you very much. m."

Double take. Triple take. Read and re-read. He's alive and communicating - that's good. I thanked God a LOT.

It was several hours before it sank in -- what he said at the end of the SMS. Everything felt so unreal.

Sank in at the office. I told Judy Wudy first. She said: "God has something to do with this. You better heed it." Heed what? ;)

She also said, this is unreal, far-fetched, like books and movies. Imagine me - living through this. Far out :)

Judy Wudy was one of those few persons who told me to tell him when I had the opportunity. So I did. What the heck? You take chances, especially when life deals you very unique and singular experiences. With M, just many, many firsts.

It was nice to know how he felt. What was surprising was the word "still" - coz he never mentioned being in love/loving me before.

I didn't exactly float. Just quietly happy. Celestian Monk the juvenile had to make jokes about it: "Shall I send a spaceship to deliver supplies on the moon" and "i shall call MINDEF so they don't send missiles at you as you float in our airspace." Hehe

So it was a weird day yesterday. So relieved I finally heard from him. But truly didn't expect the declaration of affection. And the "still" :D

FLOORED. Truly.

Well, Feelees Willis reckons it's the war, and how it crystallises feelings etc. Reckon thoughts of mortality could do that to anyone. Feelees reeckons it may just fast forward things as well.

Initial reactions from friends was: WOW. Most were speechless. Haha

I am back to SMSing everyday. That's all I can do - and will call too. Most importantly, pray that the war doesn't restart (high chance of this happening - that's why very few countries are volunteering their soldiers for the UN mission in Lebanon) and that the country doesn't descend into civil war. I don't think my heart can take another 40 days of waiting and not knowing.

It's nice to be in love, to be loved, to love, to be two parts of a single whole. Happy he "still" loves me :)

Practically, this is tough. Distance, the Middle East is a powder keg, waiting to blow up. Wars after wars. (Yesterday my friend met an Israeli graduate student in Singers - who said that he was happy to be anywhere, where people are not shooting each other. Poignant.)

Will he want to relocate here? (I sure ain't going to live in that bad, bad neighbourhood.) We need to be in one physical location to communicate properly. Since he's not an avid communicator and doesn't like SMSing (Sigh) - being in the same place will help. Not sure if relocation is an idea he's mulling on. He has family there. And no matter how war torn and destroyed, Lebanon is his home.

Don't you ever wonder how much love can transform one's life? What people would do for love? Well, will just have to wait and see.

No matter how happy this makes me, I am practical. I have to keep things real. I do pray for an opportunity for us to be together. At least, we can TRY working this out. We can't live by love and SMS alone ;)

Everything still feels like a dream. Very surreal.